In this video I talk about the first skill of distress tolerance – Distracting. If you want some skills to put in place when dealing with distress or pain then watch this video. I used to either drink, use drugs, self harm or attempt suicide whenever I dealt with a painful situation. These skills helped me immensely.
hi I'm a loveless today I'm doing a video on DBT skill distress tolerance I've been really looking forward to doing this video because these set of skills were so valuable to me and I found them so helpful because basically what is distressed tolerance it's learning to tolerate distress and Marsha Linehan I said line in before and some lovely lady has corrected me and said it's pronounced Alina hand so I'm sorry for that okay Marsha Linehan she developed DBT she says one of the goals in DBT is to learn to tolerate distress and pain the reason we have to do this is because there's always gonna be distressful situation there's always gonna be painful situations and we can't stop that lot that's life unfortunately you might have someone close to you die you might have someone close to you diagnosed with cancer you might lose the pair you might you know all these painful painful things they're not just gonna stop and go away what I learn in the 12 steps like step one is we were powerless we admitted we were powerless over our addiction or alcoholism and when I was in rehab we were kind to talk it's not just a diction and alcoholism were powerless over we're powerless over people were powerless over places were powerless over things I could be walking down the street and someone could call me an or pet I'm not find it really distressing I don't like it but I'm powerless over it but what not powerless over is how I deal with it so another reason Marsha Linehan says this is so important is because we are doing DBT so we can change we can grow we can learn to deal with our emotions if every time there's really stressful or painful situation come along take me a few years ago if every time that likes something painful coming along I would drink I would use drugs I would self-harm and attempt suicide you know all these impulsive reckless behaviors and if we're doing DBT and every time something painful happens and we react impulsively we're not gonna be open to change we're not gonna be able to learn and do this stuff so it is important we learned to do this what I'm Marsha Linehan also says because the distress tolerance we're basically learning to accept distress and tolerate it but when she says accept it accept is not the same as approve just cuz we accept something it does not mean we approve it so if something awful has happened we can accept it from a non-judgmental where right this is happened it doesn't mean we think yeah this has happened we're not approving it right so there's four mm-hmm four four four four skills that we're going to learn the first is distracting and that's what this video is going to be on I'm going to do the other videos on the other things after the others are self soothing improving the moment and thinking of pros and cons but like I said today this video is on distracting and I think this was probably my favorite one because you'll learn so many things here that really helped me anyway so hopefully they'll help you to write I have this my lovely writing wise mind except except is blurry hello yeah except is an acronym to help us remember wise mind except we accept and distress we accept it we don't approve it right so the a is activities contributing comparisons emotions pushing away thoughts and sensations right so I will start with app activities basically just say something really distressing happens and your heads like like mine goes right activities you could go for a walk go for a swim go for a run go fishing watch a film any of your hobbies really one that I found that works for me is I put music on loudly and I do my housework and I really focus on what I'm doing like and um yeah and it works for me I get rid of later energy it keeps me focused and at the end I got lovely clean house we were win-win situation so yeah that is what works for me I must point out not all of these will work for everyone and something that might work for me might not work for someone else my suggestion would try them all because you might be surprised cuz I never thought housework would work for me but it's my favorite thing so yeah just try them and see if it doesn't work throw it away if it does yes right we are on to contributing that is it could be doing voluntary it could be just doing something nice for someone else it will get you out of self it will make you think of others and when you do something nice for someone I mean you could go around and cook someone a meal you could bake someone a cake you could do run some errands for someone help them with their gardening or whatever what your fire is it feels really nice to be nice well I think so anyway yeah and it can feel good and like I said it gets you out self gets you thinking about this right comparisons right okay so that is basically no matter how bad you think you have in it they're probably people worse off well there are always people worse off now that didn't work for me because I would it wasn't it didn't work because it wasn't like haha yeah my life is better than yours it didn't work because I'm a sore person I just get really upset when bad things happen in the world for other people and so I think oh there's someone they might not have a house and they're not start really dwelling on that and it would actually bring my mood down down down and I didn't find it helpful but you can also you can compare yourself we say a year or two years ago if you're in a slightly better place than you were six months ago compared that and so well it's got better I'm better than I was so that is comparison emotions right ok so just say you're really sad sad sad sad and the opposite emotion happy funny laughing put on a comedy basically do something that will give you the opposite if you're feeling really sad and you think you'll play a song don't play a sad song buy some love songs make you worse put on something on a good film put on a good music cuz I'm good music right there's what's the film my son always watches walking with the dinosaurs walking with dinosaurs with patchy and at the end there's a song who live like a warrior I think it's by Matisse Juhu I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right but listen to it I love it it's a real it really makes me feel good it makes me feel better some people might find it cheesy but I love it and it works for me you might put on some song that reminds you of a happier time um yeah so like just anything really that will give you the opposite of what you're feeling have a dance bottom some dance music dance not like that right where am i up to pushing away now pushing away is not the same as avoidance cuz I'm not saying I'll just forget it and get over it I'm not saying that mentally imagine you're taking that whatever distressing situation and you're just putting it away somewhere you put on a shelf or I look in a cupboard think right I can't deal with this right now it's too painful I'm just gonna put it in a cupboard look here or come back and deal with you later now that on its own doesn't help me because if I just did that I'd probably go back and open it and get it all out and think about it again so I put it in a box think right I can't deal with this right now put it away lock it up do my housework do my housework and then I can deal with it later I'm it's not avoiding it because you are gonna have to face it again and get out but it does give you a break especially when something so painful and you just really can't deal with it at that moment there's nothing wrong with just pushing it away for now right thoughts I like thoughts it could be reading it could be listening to music or something that gets you thinking it could be crosswords I mean I used to like Sudoku and and because my mind is thinking about I'm not thinking about everything else so not just Sudoku like do math sums in my head so I'd do to start doing like really basic sums but because I'd be doing them and thinking of them I couldn't think of something else if I'm out in the car I do a number plate game where I look at number plates on cars and just say there's something like gee mm and I've got to think of a sentence so G and good warning my pie doesn't have to make sense but it just keeps busy I used to look at badges on the cars and be like that's a BMW that's a Peugeot that's a Mercedes that little it up and again like it sounds simple but because you're focusing on that you're not focusing on anything else and so for me that was really helpful and sensations this is basically you want a strong physical sensation that will jolt you out you're thinking don't you out that mood jump in some cold water have a cold by freezing cold shower I'm not that brave but I would splash my face with cold water sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't to be honest but some people that works really well I mean you could have an ice cube put it on the back of your neck or on an elastic band on your wrist I'm not talking painful things that like self-harm because obviously that's negative I'm thinking just sensations that are a bit and comfy that makes you go and just jolt you out again it might work it might not but try it my suggestion to you would be find some that work for you I mean you might have two activities that work you might find contributing words comparisons might nor emotions you might like a song you know so you might have something and I'd write them down on like a small pack of cards and keep them with you and when something distressing happens grab them just pull one out and do it also practice practice because you want to practice these skills so much that they're so ingrained that they became come like normal like new life to you so when something happens you immediately go to one of those skills and you're not left suffering for too long but I think I'll leave that there today guys like I said I will be doing the self soothing improving the moment and thinking of pros and cons in another video hopefully in the next couple of weeks bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.