hi I'm a loveless today I'm doing a
video on DBT skill distress tolerance
I've been really looking forward to
doing this video because these set of
skills were so valuable to me and I
found them so helpful because basically
what is distressed tolerance it's
learning to tolerate distress and Marsha
Linehan I said line in before and some
lovely lady has corrected me and said
it's pronounced Alina hand so I'm sorry
for that
okay Marsha Linehan she developed DBT
she says one of the goals in DBT is to
learn to tolerate distress and pain the
reason we have to do this is because
there's always gonna be distressful
situation there's always gonna be
painful situations and we can't stop
that
lot that's life unfortunately you might
have someone close to you die you might
have someone close to you diagnosed with
cancer you might lose the pair you might
you know all these painful painful
things they're not just gonna stop and
go away what I learn in the 12 steps
like step one is we were powerless we
admitted we were powerless over our
addiction or alcoholism and when I was
in rehab we were kind to talk it's not
just a diction and alcoholism were
powerless over we're powerless over
people were powerless over places were
powerless over things I could be walking
down the street and someone could call
me an or pet
I'm not find it really distressing I
don't like it but I'm powerless over it
but what not powerless over is how I
deal with it so another reason Marsha
Linehan says this is so important is
because
we are doing DBT so we can change we can
grow we can learn to deal with our
emotions if every time there's really
stressful or painful situation come
along take me a few years ago if every
time that likes something painful coming
along I would drink I would use drugs I
would self-harm and attempt suicide you
know all these impulsive reckless
behaviors and if we're doing DBT and
every time something painful happens and
we react impulsively we're not gonna be
open to change we're not gonna be able
to learn and do this stuff so it is
important we learned to do this what I'm
Marsha Linehan also says because the
distress tolerance
we're basically learning to accept
distress and tolerate it but when she
says accept it accept is not the same as
approve just cuz we accept something it
does not mean we approve it so if
something awful has happened we can
accept it from a non-judgmental where
right this is happened it doesn't mean
we think yeah this has happened
we're not approving it right so there's
four mm-hmm four four four four skills
that we're going to learn the first is
distracting and that's what this video
is going to be on I'm going to do the
other videos on the other things after
the others are self soothing improving
the moment and thinking of pros and cons
but like I said today this video is on
distracting and I think this was
probably my favorite one because
you'll learn so many things here that
really helped me anyway so hopefully
they'll help you to write I have this my
lovely writing wise mind except except
is blurry hello yeah except is an
acronym to help us remember wise mind
except we accept and distress we accept
it we don't approve it right so the a is
activities contributing comparisons
emotions pushing away thoughts and
sensations right so I will start with
app activities basically just say
something really distressing happens and
your heads like like mine goes right
activities you could go for a walk
go for a swim go for a run go fishing
watch a film any of your hobbies really
one that I found that works for me is I
put music on loudly and I do my
housework and I really focus on what I'm
doing like and um yeah and it works for
me I get rid of later energy it keeps me
focused and at the end I got lovely
clean house we were win-win situation
so yeah that is what works for me I must
point out not all of these will work for
everyone and something that might work
for me might not work for someone else
my suggestion would
try them all because you might be
surprised cuz I never thought housework
would work for me but it's my favorite
thing
so yeah just try them and see if it
doesn't work throw it away if it does
yes right we are on to contributing that
is it could be doing voluntary it could
be just doing something nice for someone
else it will get you out of self it will
make you think of others and when you do
something nice for someone I mean you
could go around and cook someone a meal
you could bake someone a cake you could
do run some errands for someone help
them with their gardening or whatever
what your fire is it feels really nice
to be nice
well I think so anyway yeah and it can
feel good and like I said it gets you
out self gets you thinking about this
right comparisons right okay so that is
basically no matter how bad you think
you have in it they're probably people
worse off well there are always people
worse off now that didn't work for me
because I would it wasn't it didn't work
because it wasn't like haha yeah my life
is better than yours
it didn't work because I'm a sore person
I just get really upset when bad things
happen in the world for other people and
so I think oh there's someone they might
not have a house and they're not start
really dwelling on that and it would
actually bring my mood down down down
and I didn't find it helpful but you can
also you can compare yourself we say a
year or two years ago if you're in a
slightly better place than you were six
months ago compared that and so well
it's got better I'm better than I was
so that is comparison
emotions right ok so just say you're
really sad sad sad sad and the opposite
emotion happy funny laughing put on a
comedy basically do something that will
give you the opposite if you're feeling
really sad and you think you'll play a
song don't play a sad song buy some love
songs make you worse put on something on
a good film put on a good music cuz I'm
good music right there's what's the film
my son always watches walking with the
dinosaurs walking with dinosaurs with
patchy and at the end there's a song who
live like a warrior I think it's by
Matisse Juhu I don't know if I'm
pronouncing that right but listen to it
I love it it's a real it really makes me
feel good it makes me feel better
some people might find it cheesy but I
love it and it works for me
you might put on some song that reminds
you of a happier time um yeah so like
just anything really that will give you
the opposite of what you're feeling have
a dance bottom some dance music dance
not like that right where am i up to
pushing away now pushing away is not the
same as avoidance cuz I'm not saying
I'll just forget it and get over it I'm
not saying that mentally imagine you're
taking that whatever distressing
situation and you're just putting it
away somewhere you put on a shelf or I
look in a cupboard think right I can't
deal with this right now it's too
painful I'm just gonna put it in a
cupboard
look here or come back and deal with you
later now that on its own doesn't help
me because if I just did that I'd
probably go back and open it and get it
all out and think about it again so I
put it in a box
think right I can't deal with this right
now put it away lock it up
do my housework do my housework and then
I can deal with it later
I'm it's not avoiding it because you are
gonna have to face it again and get out
but it does give you a break especially
when something so painful and you just
really can't deal with it at that moment
there's nothing wrong with just pushing
it away for now right thoughts
I like thoughts
it could be reading it could be
listening to music or something that
gets you thinking it could be crosswords
I mean I used to like Sudoku and and
because my mind is thinking about I'm
not thinking about everything else
so not just Sudoku like do math sums in
my head so I'd do to start doing like
really basic sums but because I'd be
doing them and thinking of them I
couldn't think of something else if I'm
out in the car I do a number plate game
where I look at number plates on cars
and just say there's something like gee
mm and I've got to think of a sentence
so G and good warning my pie doesn't
have to make sense but it just keeps
busy I used to look at badges on the
cars and be like that's a BMW that's a
Peugeot that's a Mercedes that little it
up and again like it sounds simple but
because you're focusing on that you're
not focusing on anything else and so for
me that was really helpful and
sensations this is basically you want a
strong physical sensation that will jolt
you out you're thinking don't you out
that mood jump in some cold water have a
cold by freezing cold shower I'm not
that brave
but I would splash my face with cold
water sometimes it works sometimes it
doesn't to be honest but some people
that works really well I mean you could
have an ice cube put it on the back of
your neck or on
an elastic band on your wrist I'm not
talking painful things that like
self-harm because obviously that's
negative I'm thinking just sensations
that are a bit and comfy that makes you
go and just jolt you out again it might
work it might not but try it my
suggestion to you would be find some
that work for you I mean you might have
two activities that work you might find
contributing words comparisons might nor
emotions you might like a song you know
so you might have something and I'd
write them down on like a small pack of
cards and keep them with you and when
something distressing happens grab them
just pull one out and do it
also practice practice because you want
to practice these skills so much that
they're so ingrained that they became
come like normal like new life to you so
when something happens you immediately
go to one of those skills and you're not
left suffering for too long but I think
I'll leave that there today guys like I
said I will be doing the self soothing
improving the moment and thinking of
pros and cons in another video hopefully
in the next couple of weeks bye