In this video I explain the fourth Distress Tolerance skill – Pro’s and Con’s and how it can help you.


hi guys today I am doing the final skill
of distressed tolerance and that is
thinking of pros and cons right thinking
of pros and cons you got to remember
we're doing distressed tolerance so
we're trying to learn how to tolerate
stress so just say I have had a really
distressing situation I've had a huge
row with my partner and I want to
tolerate that emotional turmoil because
usually I would act impulsively just so
we'd have this huge round I want to go
out and use drugs but we are doing
distress tolerance so we're trying to
learn to tolerate that distress so by
tolerating it I can't use drugs
I've got doing a healthy way so I am
going to write out the pros of
tolerating the distress and the cons of
tolerating their distress so basically
the pros of tolerating are the pros of
not using drugs and the cons of not
using drugs but in DBT it's slightly
different because you do that but we're
also going to do the pros of not
tolerating the distress and the cons of
not tolerating the distress so we're
doing the pros not tolerating sorry not
tolerating is using drugs so we're going
to do the pros of using drugs and the
cons of using drugs does that make sense
right let me show you something here ooh
right seem a little bored so this is
what we've got done the pros of
tolerating the distress that's the pros
of not using drugs and the cons of
tolerating the stress the cons of not
using drugs then we have the pros of not
tolerating the stress and the pros of
using drugs and the cons of using drugs
right so here is one I did earlier and
I'm going to go through them with you so
again imagine I've had this huge row
with my partner and I want to storm out
just get loads of drugs and get off my
face but I'm gonna do this so the pros
don't maybe they're sorry guys
right the pros of not using drugs Oh
save money I'll feel proud of myself I
won't put myself in danger my boyfriend
will be happy I didn't use drugs I'll
wake up more positive tomorrow I will
sleep well tonight I can be a good mom
and then the cons of not using drugs I
have to deal with the emotional pain and
he won't know how bad I feel like I'm
not causing a drama and sometimes I just
want to cause some drama right now we've
got the pros of using drugs the pros are
I get a quick fix I can blame my partner
for making me feel so bad and maybe I
can even make him feel guilty like it's
his fault the cons of using drugs
I spend all my money on drugs I can't
pay my bills which could cause a load
more problems my boyfriend will be
angrier at me I feel like crap the next
morning and possibly for the next few
once out my face I could put myself in
danger and I'm putting my children in
danger if I come back and I mount my
face so you see this what you'll notice
when you do this like you can do this in
any situation to be honest if you have a
crisis tomorrow and you've just watched
this video today chances are you're not
going to want to do this and it possibly
won't work I mean you can try and do it
and if you can fair play to you but I
would get in the habit of doing one of
these for lots of little minor things so
say you have a little argument with a
family member and you want to storm
round there and go mad do this just say
your boss has said something to you at
work and you didn't like the way they
spoke to you and you want to storm into
his office smash it up storm out do one
of these and if you do it on smaller
scale we're numb you get very used to
seeing that what you'll find the pros of
tolerating the distress will be big and
the cons of acting impulsively so the
bad things that will be the longer list
now you can do this like just say when
you're distressed you self-harm you can
write the pros of not self harming the
cons of not self harming the pros of
self harming the columns of self harming
and you can do it with anything you do
it might be you just go and spend loads
of money and buy loads of crap buy
clothes or whatever you just spend loads
of money what the pros of not doing that
the cons are
not doing that the pros of getting all
the clothes and the cons and the cons
should always outweigh the pros of doing
it because you'll spend money it's just
an impulsive behavior at the end of the
day isn't it so if you get in the habit
of doing this you will get in the habit
of realizing that learning to tolerate
the just distress is always a bigger
list and the cons of you acting
impulsively is always the bigger list
and I think slowly it will get ingrained
in your head or actually the pros of
actually tolerating it far outweigh not
tolerating it alright I'm not entirely
sure actually why we have to do both but
I know for me why it works so I've had
this big rail with the partner and I
want to storm out and I want to use
drugs or I want to self-harm or whatever
I want to do I will I can tell myself
the pros like yeah I'll save money I'll
be proud of myself and all I'll have to
do I tell myself these cons but often
I'll then give myself the pros of using
I'll bet you'll film so much better you
can blame your partner and that's it and
then I'll use I don't even this doesn't
come into it I never think that the cons
of using and the cons of my behaviors I
just start focusing on this and so once
you get to writing it all down and
seeing these are so much better yeah I
think it starts to become ingrained in
your head and you realize actually
tolerating it's so much more helpful and
in the long term so that's better that's
what I needed to say actually when
you're doing this you need to think long
term not just short term I mean the cons
of saying using drugs it's not just
light and put my health in dangers long
term it's I'm not having money then I
won't pay my bills I won't be able to
buy food for my children
if it's but you've had you like want a
storm out of your office and shout at
your boss well long term how is that
going to affect you
you might feel good now but then there
might be animosity between you and your
boss you might feel uncomfortable going
in there you might think people are
talking about you
you might get the sack if you get the
sack you can't won't have any money you
might not find another job how are you
gonna pay your bills and yes so do you
think long-term as well and what your
think find is like the cons of not
tolerating it long-term there are so
many and the pros of not tolerating here
long time long term there's no pros
you'll find it's just I get quick fix
it's just something here and now did I
cover everything I think so I think I
did did I so basically guys we have done
all of distress tolerance now I've shown
you the four main skills and all the
different coping strategies within those
skills now just say you have a really
stressful thing tomorrow and but you
don't want to write one of these because
I know me and if something really bad
has happened I'm not going to get up my
pen and paper and start writing all this
but I will use the other skills I will
distract myself I might go mad with the
housework I might go to the gym I might
go for a run once I've calmed down a bit
I might use one of the self soothing
techniques I could use like you get
these mindfulness coloring pads where
you can color in I might have a bath I
might go for a nice swim and then once
I've kind of self soothe the bear I
might pick up this and do this it might
not be the first thing I do but is all
part of distress tolerance you don't
just have to use one thing you you do
what works for you I was talking to my
earlier and she was like but who that
was gonna have a bath when they're
really stressed well maybe she wouldn't
but someone else might I would but it
wouldn't be the first thing I did like I
said I'd need to distract first that's
the first thing I need to do and then
after I've distracted for a bit and I'm
slightly I mean I was still in a crisis
situation I still feel but over bit left
then I can use some of the other
techniques and like I've said in the
other videos one is practice practice
practice practice II what works you see
what doesn't work for you if it doesn't
it doesn't matter there are lots of
skills and so practice practice practice
and yeah practice when you're not in a
crisis because if the first time you're
doing it is when you're in a crisis
you're probably going to find it you're
not gonna really work you need to get
these skills in grains so they come
naturally to you so they're these are
basically tools that can help you
survive a crisis and use them but if
someone just gave me to say some get one
gave me a tool and said go and do this I
wouldn't know what the hell to do with
there unless I'd practice with it before
and then I would know that's what these
skills are they are tools that can help
you but you have to practice with them
first they're not going to work the
first time but if you do practice they
can be amazing because I used to never
ever ever be able to cope in a crisis
without self harming attempting suicide
using drugs just all these crazy things
and I used to never think I could cope
in a crisis and I really didn't think I
did learn these skills and I put them
into action and I used them and they
really have they have possibly saved my
life and they could save yours as well
yeah I'm gonna leave it there guys but
we are done with distress awareness so
my lovelies I will be going on to the
next part next week I think I'm going to
be doing emotional regulation or it
might be interpersonal relationships
they either way I'll be back next week
doing them and I hope you are well I
love you all loads bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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