There are times when we may end a relationship because it simply isn’t working for us…only to find months and months later that our ex has moved on with someone else and we are left heart-broken! Why does this happen when we were the ones to end it? Are we entitled to feel this way? How do we cope when this happens?
hi guys happy Tuesday I don't usually do a video on a Tuesday but I had a lovely young lady messaged me and she has a dilemma and it's a real current dilemma that she's going through so I thought well I would get a video done ASAP and get it put out there and I splits my reason name for it was I could feel how she felt because I've been there and basically what she said is she ended a relationship about a year ago and she's just found out that her ex is seeing someone else I think she's seen that on social media and she's devastated and I can remember so clearly going through this I was 19 I had ended it with my boyfriend and he begged me not to I still when today I actually went out with someone else quite soon after believe it or not and about a year later I found out he was seeing someone else and it was just like the hurt and the pain I can't tell you it was just horrendous I then found out six months later that he was he'd got her pregnant and they were having a baby and I went through it again and so people might say well how you ended it so why are you entitled to get upset the thing is when we have four Deline personality disorder we can often end a relationship because it wasn't good for us we weren't happy and we end it but we will often very quickly move on or just distract ourselves from our feelings so we don't grieve and when a relationship ends we need to grieve if it's the ending of something but often we don't and there were number of different reasons for that but we'll move on and all of a sudden if we find out at a later day that our ex has moved on we can be left feeling like cheated it brings up our fear of abandonment we feel abandoned we have a low self-esteem so it could make us feel like we yeah we can feel reading how to quit compared to their new partner we might not know anything about their new partner but we will compare ourselves to them and our thoughts start coming in and we start imagining them doing all the things that we did and like we were with that person then cuddling on the sofa going for a walk laughing how dare they and it's just like a dagger to the heart for us but here's the thing what's happened is we didn't grieve at the time we ended it we were adamant we don't want to know we've just gone on and then all of a sudden we've kind of had the option taken away because sometimes we might not consciously think it but at the back of our head we could happen back everyone that's what we might think and when they've moved on we've had it that option taken away but oh he doesn't want to be with me he's with someone else and we can feel left completely out of control and we start to grieve because we didn't grieve like the year ago when we ended it was so adamant we didn't grieve but there are a few things we can do first of all allow yourself to grieve no you didn't grieve back then and now that's why you're going through it now and grieving is a process it doesn't happen overnight and you've got to understand that this pain will not last I know it's devastating but it will not last time is a healer also it's very easy like when we first breakup with someone's get in a new relationship for me like oh my ex this and that and we say really hard things and we remind ourselves of all the reasons we left them but one for some when they get with someone else we forget all those horrid things and we just remember all the good things and it's important at this time to remind ourselves that actually we ended it for a reason the relationship wasn't working we were not happy if the relationship was working we'd still be together and we do need to remind ourselves of that another thing we can do is distraction so if in the evening you're you can't go out it's late or embed your mind is going over and over them cuddling and kissing and all those things you can dispatch yourself mentally now I do mathematical swamps because if you're trying to add up 112 plus 236 you can't really think of anything else because you're focusing on that other things are crosswords Sudoku puzzles stuff like that so you're mentally focusing on something else and that will help if it's in the day you could go and see friends distract yourself by doing fun things it could be exercise we're going for a walk and try and keep busy but also know that yes you are entitled to grieve it's just you didn't grieve when it happened and so now it's hit you and now you're going to grieve but you're entitled to feel the way you feel obviously we did end it so we don't write that person doesn't deserve us to hate them or be angry at them because we ended it and we've got to take responsibility for that but also remind ourselves why we ended it rather than just focusing on all the wonderful things about them so I'm gonna leave that there guys I love you all loads yeah I'll be back tomorrow
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