Suffering with our mental health can cause us to be very lonely. Suffering with anxiety can stop us doing something about this. Here are some tips on overcoming these problems and learning to make friends.
hi my lovelies today I'm doing a video request when I used to first ask for video requests I never used to write down the name and this is a really old request so I'm really sorry I do not have the name to say hi but nowadays I do write down the name so I can say hi but right okay for what is it how to make new friendships when we're struggling without borderline when we're struggling with anxiety because friendships and having good solid friendships is important in recovery it can help us and and it is good for us it is good for our mental health to have close friendships friends that we can turn to who we can trust here we can open up to and talk to and who can help support us on our journey but I also know from my own experience that there were times when I used to cut everyone out and I was too anxious to leave the house now the problem is when you start cutting your friends out and um I got lost again I don't have a name someone mentioned about making plans and with counseling that was me I was always counting and when you start doing them and cants implants all the time people just stop asking you because what's the point you're gonna cancel and that that was what I did and so we get to a place where we actually lose all like the friendships that we do have and so how how do we how do we overcome this how do we build new friendships the first thing I would say is it's building a friendship if friendship isn't just like oh I've got best friend it takes time and it takes effort on both parts so don't just meet someone and think oh my god we're not best friends it doesn't work I can't make friends because it is just gonna take a bit a time so don't just give up before you've even begun um secondly I would say if you're going to make friends you want to make friends have a look at the places that you already go that you could possibly make friendships there because we suffer with anxiety we suffer with our mental health the last thing we want to do is go someone completely new when actually we already have times in our lives well we can make friends we have interactions with others now that could be doing the school run it could be work if you go to the gym it could be there so you might already have lots of different times in your life we're making a friendship it's possible you just haven't taken that leap and decided to talk to people and if you don't go out so you don't have any interactions then obviously you are going to have to go help if you want to make friends because you have to interact with others to do that so it's very much having to step outside our comfort zone and it's hard because we were no little safe zone with no friends but we want friends and so in order to do it we have to step outside our zone even if it makes us feel uncomfortable the tip I would give you there was try and make it as easy as possible for yourself and choose somewhere to go that you feel safe it might be a local coffee shop that you pop into now and again it might be a group that you go to or a club but choose somewhere that is easy for you don't just think where I'm going to join that gym where it's busy and crowded all the time and I'm gonna go in there and make friends because you're just gonna heighten your anxiety so try and keep it as safe as you can to start with I didn't mention magic medication the thing is the last thing we want to be saying it's not just medicate yourself just take a load of pills you'll be fine because medication like I always say is not the fix up of all things but if your anxiety is severe severe severe it can help there are medications you can take that can ease it slightly now it's no good taking all that medication and then still not stepping outside your comfort zone and just staying staying in your zone and because what's the point what's the point in taking that medication if you're going to do that but if you've got something that can ease it take that step step outside your comfort zone but it's like I said it's just something to consider if your anxiety is really bad um okay I'm losing where I'm going I went off on one take your time I suppose take your time when you're making friends and don't just rush in and think oh you've got me my friend take things slowly talk to different people don't also don't just judge people and think no don't like the look at you you won't be my friend because I have a dear dear friend called Kat I have a dear dear friend called Sam and both of them when I met them for the first time I really did not like them I just didn't like them oh my lovely friend Eve as well I didn't we didn't like each other far a beautiful friendship grew and they of my very close friends now so don't just judge someone on appearances like first time you've met them now we're not gonna be friends because that might not be the case so take your time have conversations with different people [Music] don't jump in there like be my friend please be my friend I've got no friends I've come here I want you to be my friend because that will scare people I don't think they'll work out too well um but yeah like but if you're feeling anxious be yourself be honest so if you're with someone does that feel happy to say feeling me anxious I actually suffer with my anxiety chances are they might have at some point suffered with their anxiety - or if they haven't they might just be really supportive and it just talking about it might actually ease your anxiety so do be yourself do be able to say I suffer with my anxiety and sometimes I don't like to go out because that's okay to say that um be consistent and what I mean by that is like what I said at the beginning so often we just make plans and cancel them if like you've made a friend at the gym or something and you see each other most weeks and you have that chance the friendships growing you know a bit more about each other you talk about your family life and and then all of a sudden you think I'm not going this week I'm not going this week and you just don't go for a few weeks and then you have no contact with that person you kind of that friendships not going to go anywhere you're not building on it it's not going to grow so you need to be consistent and if you say you're going to be somewhere when we leave there if you make plans stick to them even if you don't want to because if you start canceling the first time it's very easy to cancel the second and third it gets easier and easier so you've kind of just got the same fine I don't really don't want to go but you know I want to I want to have friends and make yourself go if it is easier for you to like say be at home because at home is your safe place invite that person to your safe place saying would you like to come round for coffee if your safe place is a same coffee house would you like to go here and go somewhere that you feel comfortable to start with um the more you do these things the more you go out and will you step outside your comfort zone the more you start talking to people the more your anxiety will decrease it will get a lot easier but it's just making yourself do it sometimes rather than thinking will I want an option of friends I want a few friends and just say you've made a lovely friend at weeding group and and then you think I want friends somewhere else I want more friends don't think oh I've got to go to some I complete different I've got to join a running club or I've got to go to the school more or make friends with all the moms maybe you can be introduced to the friends you made at reading power to their friends and then you can have mutual friends and your little friendship group can expand that way so it's a bit easier than trying to find lots of different friends from all over the place you've got a few mutual friends and that little friendship group can grow and when you're more comfortable and you can step outside your comfort zone again and start building friendship relationships elsewhere because friendships are important because we can feel so lonely and we often have so many emotions as so many thoughts whizzing around and just talking can help but if you don't have friends that really lessens the amount of people you can talk to so I'm gonna leave that there guys but as always it's lovely doing a few with you and and I will be back I don't know in this videos going outside but I'll be I'll be back I'll be back
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.