The word resentment comes from the from the french word re (as in to do again) and sentir which comes from the Latin word Sentire meaning to feel.  So resentment means ‘to re-feel’. I discuss how resentments start and how they continue and grow and the importance of letting them go.

hi my lovelies today I'm doing a video
request from the wise woman hello wise
woman and she asked me to talk about
resentment now I learned about
resentments when I was doing the 12
steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
um because they say resentment is one of
the biggest causes of relapse now what
is resentment basically if we break up
the word Ari and then sentiment the word
comes from Ari is to do something again
zenman comes from the front when Cynthia
this recent here and Cynthia comes from
the Latin word sent T ray which means to
feel so we feel - we feel something that
is what resentment is so we can go
through life and people can hurt us
sometimes we can be her and then we can
just get over it and move on with our
other times we can build a resentment
meaning we refeel that hurt so for
example if I'm walking down the street
and someone but is it past me and
doesn't say sorry I couldn't be a bit
peed off about but chances are I am NOT
going to go home and start revealing
that hurt I felt all that anger I felt
when they barge past me that's something
I will tend to let go resentment is
often at its strongest when it is
someone that we love or someone close to
us that has done the hurting so for
just say myself and my partner have an
argument and he calls me a horrible name
and it really hurts me and I go away I'm
not talking to him and later on I start
thinking about it again and in my head
he calls me that name again
and I feel that her and when I feel that
her the hurt kind of gets bigger I'm
feeding it it's growing so a few more
hours day passed and I go through it in
my head again
and I hear what he says to me and I feel
it again and it's even more painful now
our memories are a wonderful thing in
the fact that we can distort things so
what we often find with resentment is we
don't necessarily imagine or see it as
it exactly happened so for example in
the actual argument I've said some nasty
things he said some nasty things I got
her I've went away thought about it but
my mind will start eliminating my part
in it so when I go through it in my head
I don't focus on all the nasty things I
said to them in fact in my head I start
becoming sweet as anything and I didn't
really say anything and what he says to
me gets worse and worse every time I
picture in my head I'm becoming sweeter
than anything what he has done has
become even worse then as it happened
and her I feel grows and the next day
comes and I go over again in my head and
I'm hurting again
and that her sticks with us and it
manifests itself in many ways it can be
anger can be sadness but it doesn't
leave us and we don't let it leave us we
let it take up little part of our mind
well what did I hear I'm letting
basically letting that person live up
here and rent-free that's what I heard
somewhere and that's so true that's what
we're doing we're allowing them to live
up here and we go it over and over it
and making their part worse and worse
and worse our part better and better and
better until in the end we forget we
even had a part in it
and and it eats us up resent we can come
out as jealousy we can physically acts
upon it
whereas we will say or do something
forward to that person or we will say
stuff about that person to other people
or we could we might even start turning
against ourselves and so harming and
feeling sorry for ourselves but it's a
really really horrible thing to live
with and we don't have to live with it I
never really even knew that I had any
resentments until I learned what
resentment was and I look back and in my
past and I realized actually yeah I
think about that and that hurts me yes
that's a resentment I'm not necessarily
always aware that I am resentful until I
kind of look at the situation properly
and often not I find that I am carrying
a resentment so what do we do about this
the biggest way to overcome resentment
is forgiveness to forgive that person
that has caused the resentment
sometimes we don't want to forgive them
but the way we have to see is if we
don't and we do not let this resentment
go it will eat us up and we will carry
on living light with this knot in our
stomach this horrid light feeling inside
and because it can be really
debilitating so much say that we can't
just live a happy life because we
literally torn up inside over a
resentment and I think this is why it's
so huge - alcoholics and people
suffering an addiction this is why it's
so huge this can cause people to relapse
so it is vital that they let go of
resentments when I did the 12 steps I
obviously I read the big book of
Alcoholics Anonymous I had a sponsor
that I talked to why listen to different
audio programs and and one thing I heard
again and again again was if you're
resentful against someone pray for them
now I'm not the sort person that does
just pray I have discussed it before I
believe there's a higher power out there
I believe in like the power of the
universe and I don't I'm not someone
that will just sit and pray and pray and
pray but I did hear it time and time
again that if you pray for the person
and you pray for them to be happy and
well and and everything you'd want for
yourself basically that resentment or
lessen unless unless until one day you
will wake up and it will be gone and
from my research this method worked for
a lot of people so if you are the sole
person leaves in prayer and you do pray
this is a perfect option for you to try
and other ways ah to find out exactly
why you feel this room MSM and exactly
what happened and sometimes we need to
write it down and be really truthful and
think that because if we just think
quickly we remember what our mind has
kind of distorted and changed over time
so we kind of need to forget that and
think right what actually happened more
often than not we find that we had a
part to play it might have been really
really small but it doesn't matter if we
can instead look at that and our part
thing okay so we had a part to play that
in itself can help lessen the resentment
because all of a sudden we're seeing it
from someone else's point of view and
what we did so write down did you have a
part to play you you might not have I'm
not saying you definitely did because
sometimes we don't have a part to play
but write down exactly what happened why
it has affected you like it has maybe
it's because it was your partner
that said it up or your best friend and
you would often find it is because it
was someone close to you if it just
happened to be any old Tom Dick or Harry
chances are it wouldn't have had the
effect on you you wouldn't be holding
that resentment now then look at
forgiveness you might not want to
forgive this person but like I said
before if by forgiving them you can
learn to let go the resentment and then
go on and lead a happy life it's worth
it there were times when I just I didn't
want to forgive all right they don't
deserve my forgiveness but I started
saying I've
I'm telling myself I figured in them I
forgiven them and in time I found I
forgave them and without even realizing
the resentment was gone because I felt
like it's over it's dealt with I
forgiving them I can move on with my
life and it is so freeing not to have to
go around carrying that resentment with
you constantly and because it's not nice
feeling like that and the resentment
might be it might have been something
that happened in your childhood it might
be a really old old resentment and
sometimes the people that have harmed us
they don't deserve forgiveness for what
they did and you have no part in it
you were completely the victim in what
happened but by holding on to the
resentment you can't live your life and
I think that is what is important if I
want to be free of this and I want to
live my life I have to learn to forgive
you might not want to like I said there
are times I didn't just started saying I
forgive them I forgive them and over
time I did forgive them it just kind of
happened I don't know how it happened
but it did
and I'm not saying it's really easy to
because often we have lived with these
resentments for so long it is really
hard to let them go but it is possible
to let them go and is vital for you your
recovery and for you to have a wonderful
life for you to let them go and I'm sure
there's probably loads more information
out there so if you go on Google you
type in how to let go resentments you'll
probably find loads more information
but that is my experience rounder and
that's how I have dealt with resentments
in the past because you cannot let what
someone else did destroy your present
destroy your future so it is important
we get on top of it and deal with that
anything else to say oh yeah
and because I used to obviously build
resentments now now I know what a
resentment is as things crop up I kind
of let them go straight away I deal with
it straight away I don't let myself the
first time I want to reach really and
feel that pain I don't let myself and
because of that the resentment doesn't
build because I'm not feeding it I will
not let it grow I'm gonna let it go
right here right now and I'm not letting
someone else live up here rent-free and
believe that their guys have a wonderful
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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