The word resentment comes from the from the french word re (as in to do again) and sentir which comes from the Latin word Sentire meaning to feel. So resentment means ‘to re-feel’. I discuss how resentments start and how they continue and grow and the importance of letting them go.
hi my lovelies today I'm doing a video request from the wise woman hello wise woman and she asked me to talk about resentment now I learned about resentments when I was doing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous um because they say resentment is one of the biggest causes of relapse now what is resentment basically if we break up the word Ari and then sentiment the word comes from Ari is to do something again zenman comes from the front when Cynthia this recent here and Cynthia comes from the Latin word sent T ray which means to feel so we feel - we feel something that is what resentment is so we can go through life and people can hurt us sometimes we can be her and then we can just get over it and move on with our lives other times we can build a resentment meaning we refeel that hurt so for example if I'm walking down the street and someone but is it past me and doesn't say sorry I couldn't be a bit peed off about but chances are I am NOT going to go home and start revealing that hurt I felt all that anger I felt when they barge past me that's something I will tend to let go resentment is often at its strongest when it is someone that we love or someone close to us that has done the hurting so for example just say myself and my partner have an argument and he calls me a horrible name and it really hurts me and I go away I'm not talking to him and later on I start thinking about it again and in my head he calls me that name again and I feel that her and when I feel that her the hurt kind of gets bigger I'm feeding it it's growing so a few more hours day passed and I go through it in my head again and I hear what he says to me and I feel it again and it's even more painful now our memories are a wonderful thing in the fact that we can distort things so what we often find with resentment is we don't necessarily imagine or see it as it exactly happened so for example in the actual argument I've said some nasty things he said some nasty things I got her I've went away thought about it but my mind will start eliminating my part in it so when I go through it in my head I don't focus on all the nasty things I said to them in fact in my head I start becoming sweet as anything and I didn't really say anything and what he says to me gets worse and worse every time I picture in my head I'm becoming sweeter than anything what he has done has become even worse then as it happened and her I feel grows and the next day comes and I go over again in my head and I'm hurting again and that her sticks with us and it manifests itself in many ways it can be anger can be sadness but it doesn't leave us and we don't let it leave us we let it take up little part of our mind well what did I hear I'm letting basically letting that person live up here and rent-free that's what I heard somewhere and that's so true that's what we're doing we're allowing them to live up here and we go it over and over it and making their part worse and worse and worse our part better and better and better until in the end we forget we even had a part in it and and it eats us up resent we can come out as jealousy we can physically acts upon it whereas we will say or do something forward to that person or we will say stuff about that person to other people or we could we might even start turning against ourselves and so harming and feeling sorry for ourselves but it's a really really horrible thing to live with and we don't have to live with it I never really even knew that I had any resentments until I learned what resentment was and I look back and in my past and I realized actually yeah I think about that and that hurts me yes that's a resentment I'm not necessarily always aware that I am resentful until I kind of look at the situation properly and often not I find that I am carrying a resentment so what do we do about this the biggest way to overcome resentment is forgiveness to forgive that person that has caused the resentment sometimes we don't want to forgive them but the way we have to see is if we don't and we do not let this resentment go it will eat us up and we will carry on living light with this knot in our stomach this horrid light feeling inside and because it can be really debilitating so much say that we can't just live a happy life because we literally torn up inside over a resentment and I think this is why it's so huge - alcoholics and people suffering an addiction this is why it's so huge this can cause people to relapse so it is vital that they let go of resentments when I did the 12 steps I obviously I read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous I had a sponsor that I talked to why listen to different audio programs and and one thing I heard again and again again was if you're resentful against someone pray for them now I'm not the sort person that does just pray I have discussed it before I believe there's a higher power out there I believe in like the power of the universe and I don't I'm not someone that will just sit and pray and pray and pray but I did hear it time and time again that if you pray for the person and you pray for them to be happy and well and and everything you'd want for yourself basically that resentment or lessen unless unless until one day you will wake up and it will be gone and from my research this method worked for a lot of people so if you are the sole person leaves in prayer and you do pray this is a perfect option for you to try and other ways ah to find out exactly why you feel this room MSM and exactly what happened and sometimes we need to write it down and be really truthful and think that because if we just think quickly we remember what our mind has kind of distorted and changed over time so we kind of need to forget that and think right what actually happened more often than not we find that we had a part to play it might have been really really small but it doesn't matter if we can instead look at that and our part thing okay so we had a part to play that in itself can help lessen the resentment because all of a sudden we're seeing it from someone else's point of view and what we did so write down did you have a part to play you you might not have I'm not saying you definitely did because sometimes we don't have a part to play but write down exactly what happened why it has affected you like it has maybe it's because it was your partner that said it up or your best friend and you would often find it is because it was someone close to you if it just happened to be any old Tom Dick or Harry chances are it wouldn't have had the effect on you you wouldn't be holding that resentment now then look at forgiveness you might not want to forgive this person but like I said before if by forgiving them you can learn to let go the resentment and then go on and lead a happy life it's worth it there were times when I just I didn't want to forgive all right they don't deserve my forgiveness but I started saying I've I'm telling myself I figured in them I forgiven them and in time I found I forgave them and without even realizing the resentment was gone because I felt like it's over it's dealt with I forgiving them I can move on with my life and it is so freeing not to have to go around carrying that resentment with you constantly and because it's not nice feeling like that and the resentment might be it might have been something that happened in your childhood it might be a really old old resentment and sometimes the people that have harmed us they don't deserve forgiveness for what they did and you have no part in it you were completely the victim in what happened but by holding on to the resentment you can't live your life and I think that is what is important if I want to be free of this and I want to live my life I have to learn to forgive you might not want to like I said there are times I didn't just started saying I forgive them I forgive them and over time I did forgive them it just kind of happened I don't know how it happened but it did and I'm not saying it's really easy to do because often we have lived with these resentments for so long it is really hard to let them go but it is possible to let them go and is vital for you your recovery and for you to have a wonderful life for you to let them go and I'm sure there's probably loads more information out there so if you go on Google you type in how to let go resentments you'll probably find loads more information but that is my experience rounder and that's how I have dealt with resentments in the past because you cannot let what someone else did destroy your present destroy your future so it is important we get on top of it and deal with that anything else to say oh yeah and because I used to obviously build resentments now now I know what a resentment is as things crop up I kind of let them go straight away I deal with it straight away I don't let myself the first time I want to reach really and feel that pain I don't let myself and because of that the resentment doesn't build because I'm not feeding it I will not let it grow I'm gonna let it go right here right now and I'm not letting someone else live up here rent-free and believe that their guys have a wonderful week
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.