hi guys today I'm doing step 4 of the 12
steps step 4 is made a searching and
fearless moral inventory of ourselves
when I first read that the word that
stood out to me was moral and I was like
oh fuck I don't want to do this step
don't want to do it because I know I
have morals but I also know in my using
and drinking days I think I went against
a lot of my morals and I certainly
didn't want to go back looking at that
but we have some good news because back
then that's like the first time I saw it
since then I've been through the steps I
listen to Joe and Charlie who do talks
on the 12 steps I read a lot of
literature so I know a lot more now than
I did back then
and one thing I realized moral it
doesn't say immoral if it said immoral
I'd have reason to panic but it doesn't
it says immoral and I'm going to just
read you something from page 64 Oh a big
book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says
step for right therefore we started upon
a personal inventory this was step 4
a business which takes no regular
inventory usually goes broke taking a
commercial inventory is a fact-finding
and a fact facing process it is an
effort to discover the truth about the
stock in trade right so if we take those
words before that I've just said fact
finding fact facing truth and Stocking
trade and we put it into the words of
step 4 made a fat finding and fact
facing truthful inventory of the stock
in trade
so fact finding is searching fact facing
is fearless moral is truth and the stock
in trade
with us it says one object is to
disclose damage none unsalable goods to
get rid of them promptly and without
regret if the owner of the business is
to be successful he cannot fool himself
about his values that's why it's so
important we've got to be honest here we
can't be kidding ourselves we have to
really face the facts because if we
don't and we're not honest eventually
we'll drink or use again and eventually
we'll die it is that simple so we go on
we did exactly the same thing with our
lives we took stock honestly first we
searched out the floors and our makeup
which caused our failure basically
that's what we're gonna do in step 4
we're gonna all our lives I never
realized my life I never realized I
built up so many resentments so many
fears I've harmed people but I always
blamed other people step 4 is about all
of a sudden I'm not looking at other
people it's me what did I do
what's my part in it yes someone might
have done something really really bad it
was 99% their fault but I might have 1%
little bit in it and that that 1% is
what I have to focus on I got forget
there 99% and I look at what I did and
before I go on quickly people say when
do I do set for obviously you dwell
after you've done step 3 but some people
say do I wait do I wait six months 208
yeah and you hear all different things
again I'm gonna refer to the big bird on
page 63 on the bottom of page 63 so
we've just done step 3 we've just done
step 3 prayer the last paragraph says
next we launched out on a course of
vigorous action the first step of which
is
personal housecleaning which many of us
have never attempted though our decision
was a vital and crucial step now that
decision is step three a decision to
turn our will in our lives so though
that though our decision was a vital and
crucial step it could have little
permanent effect unless at once followed
by strenuous effect effort to face and
to be rid of the things in ourselves
that have been blocking us at once you
don't wait around you've done your step
one two three you go straight into step
4
step 4 a lot of people especially me I
had a lot of fear about it you hear
people in the room who think it's a big
one and you can get really feared up
about doing it what you've got to
remember if you have just done your step
three and you have done it properly
you've handed your will you've handed
your lives over to your higher power and
that should take away some of the fear
and make your step four easier if you're
still like I can't do it I can't do it
go back and look did you take step three
properly if you didn't why maybe you
need to go back and check if you did
you'll step two properly because if you
have followed one two three properly and
you've got it step four will come more
naturally to you and will be easier for
you to do of course it's not gonna be
great nice lovely step we are looking at
where our part what we did wrong and we
don't want to look at ourselves we've
spent all our years blaming others and
everyone for everything that they've
done to us and causing us to drink and
now we're gonna be rid of that and
that's scary in itself because if we
can't blame others for our drinking all
of a sudden we're just left with us
scary but this is absolutely vital that
you do this if you do not want to drink
again and you do not want to use again
you need to take this step by doing set
4 and looking at all
right basically you're going to be
looking you're going to have your
resentment list
what's a resentment cent cent sentiment
like century I think is Latin meaning
feel to feel and if you put re on the
beginning we Centauri we it's we need to
do again so to feel again and what that
is it just say years and years ago
someone did something and they hurt you
or and you felt it and it was horrible
that's not resentment but when you go
away the next day and you replay it in
your head and you feel that hurt again
you're building that wasn't them and a
week down the line you're thinking about
it and what you'll find cause our minds
to stall things a week down the line
when you rethink here it's not actually
quite truthful what you'll do is what
the other person done you make that bit
bit bigger a bit worse and your part
will be less and less until in the end
you have no part you were completely
completely the victim and that person
did the worst worst thing in the world
to you and that is what a resentment is
we build a builder builder and so it
says here resentment is the number one
offender it destroys more alcoholics or
addicts than anything else from it stem
all forms a spiritual disease yeah we
talk about spiritual malady the soul
sickness we've got a sick soul it says
when the spiritual malady is overcome we
straighten out mentally and physically
now this is really important because we
could put down the drink we could put
down the drug
but we've still got that soul sickness
so we just feel like oh that horrid
feeling inside and then this is what
step four is gonna do we're gonna saw
out that's virtual malady we're gonna
start looking at that and because I
didn't get clean and sober just to be
clean and sober I want you to be free
and happy and just it wasn't just to
give up the drugs there's no point if
you've given up all the drugs like it
says again in here our liquor or drugs
was but a symptom so we had to get down
to causes and conditions we drank
because of the way we feel so if we put
that down and we're still feeling like
well what's the point
we're eventually we're gonna drink or
use again so yes I've completely lost my
powers right okay so it says in dealing
with resentments we set them on paper
it's really important we do a written
inventory a few times in the first we
turn back to the list it says somewhere
else again I think like again we turn
back to the list so you do need to do a
list and that's exactly what I was gonna
say as well like I am says in here right
so you've got who are you resentful at
write down the list we're not going
across lists list every person go all
the way back or the start now and work
way back all the way to your childhood
or start in your childhood it doesn't
matter but you've just got to look at
everything leave no stone unturned and
get everything down and what I found was
house resentful at everyone at the world
which I didn't know until it was
actually on paper I hope Wow
I'm a very resentful person um so yeah
it's oh you're gonna do a resentment
inventory you're going to do a fears
inventory and you're going to do a sex
conduct and harms inventory like I just
said you you do things list why is not
cross but other than that I'm not going
to go into how you do it so much because
like I said you're going to go through
that with your sponsor one thing I will
say is humans that's us
were born with basic instincts we have
our social instinct and that's so
important without that we wouldn't have
society it's how we interact with people
we have our security instinct again so
important without the security instinct
how would we survive it's all about food
where we live to feel secure and then we
have the sex instinct how would we
repopulate the earth to have our little
babies so they are very important
instincts but what you will find when
you're going through this is a lot of
these things stem from when we are using
those instincts well our instincts have
run riot for example security you might
just be I want money on this honest
trainers all the best players and you
kind of forget about your family forget
about your loved ones you start wanting
your money it could be your sex instinct
just run riot when you just off doing
everything um it could be a social
instinct you just want to be the biggest
and the best and you will trample on
anyone around you to get what to where
you want to be and that is when harms
are caused not just to others but to
ourselves as well so these instincts are
there for a reason but it's when we
start abusing them basically and using
them in a way that we're not supposed to
if that makes sense right so okay where
am i I've completely lost for all like
so yeah we're doing a resentment one
fears again I didn't know just how
fearful I was of everything absolutely
everything and so I listed all my fears
and people places things spiders it
could be
I was scared of getting clean but I was
scared of using what you'll find with
fear is fears tend to be one of three
things either you're scared of using
something you've already got you're
scared of not getting something you want
or you're scared of something you've
done to someone and are you gonna be
found out what's gonna happen what
they're gonna do and you'll find most of
your fears will fall into one of those
three things um so yeah you do your
fears list and what you'll find you
write all your things down and you'll do
the same with your resentments and then
you get to light the final and all of a
sudden because you've written down who
you are is then why you resent them what
they did and then all of sudden you've
got to look at what I did and that's
really hard but it is so important to do
this and it's so important to do it well
and the reason you have to do it so well
is one if you leave something out and it
starts going around and around it can
cause you to use again secondly once
you've done this you'll get such a big
insight into who you are as a person
you can clear
see all your flaws and once you know
your flaws
you can then do something about it
because a lot of mine I didn't even know
were there they were just there and I
was completely oblivious because I was
so busy resent in people and being
fearful and causing harms to others I
never once stopped and looked at myself
and realized my part and once you can do
that you can then do something about it
you can it account or walk what's the
right thing to do and this is important
because as you go through the steps
later on if some of those old behaviors
start popping up you're gonna be much
more likely to spot them early on and
then do something about it before you
get to the point where you're gonna
drink or use so yes it says on page 66
of the big Burke we began to see that
the world and its people really
dominated us in that state the
wrongdoing of others fancied or real had
power to actually kill how could we
escape and that was step or was a big
life I was completely dominated by all
my fears and all my resentments and it's
until you get it on by pen to paper and
you write it went down and you look at
your pages and pages that you like oh
because I like I just said I really
didn't realize until I sat down and did
it my phone's buzzing
um yeah again
page 67 referring to our list again
that's why it's important you have a
written list you cannot do it all up
here putting out of our minds the wrong
others have done we resolutely looked
for our own mistakes where we've been
selfish dishonest self-seeking and
and when we saw our faults we listed
them and that is what we do we're gonna
jump right cross to page 68 I'm just
gonna read little bits to you now right
we reviewed our fears thoroughly we put
them on paper again it's saying how
important I'm saying that because some
people I've heard don't always do on
paper they think they can do up there
and that's not that's not the AAA way
anyway right page 69 we reviewed our own
conduct over the years past where had we
been selfish dishonest or inconsiderate
whom have we heard did we unjustifiably
arouse jealousy suspicion or bitterness
where were we at fault what should we
have done instead we got this all down
on paper and we looks at it like I'll go
to the sex conduct sex like I said sex
instinct is normal supposed to be their
people but is when our self will comes
into it it might not even be like a way
that you realized like if just say some
way I can say for me that if I was had a
roundoff like I'm just not home sex then
I won't have sex for days see I'm
causing harms I'm using something that's
a natural natural basic instinct and I'm
using it against someone by withholding
other ways are making people do that
what they don't want to do it doesn't
actually have to just bring just sex it
could be like flirting with someone when
you don't like them it could be telling
someone you love them when you don't it
could be like like it says rousing
jealousy just to make someone jealous
these are
these are all like this is our sexual
conduct and all these things need to be
written down now when you have written
everything down it's not like oh you
stole off this person you've stole it
that person you stole it
you're not looking at all those
individual things that's not its you
steal so then you can look at why do you
do that and you can get to the bottom of
that it's not all these obviously to the
individual people it's important but
that will come up later on when it comes
to the immense process right now we're
looking your defects of character and
all these things that are holding you
back holding you back from your recovery
did I cover everything
I'll see step four is such a big step
not like don't do it because it's so
important like I said it's the first
action step and it's so important you do
it and it's not actually as scary as
people like the fit my fear of doing it
was worse than once it was done it was
like I felt amazing because I didn't
realize for so long I had just
completely like I think I was so ashamed
of who I was like I said at the
beginning the morale had gone against my
morals and I couldn't bear to look at
that but once I did then you can do
something about it
and it's the difference between staying
clean and being happy or being clean and
being miserable or using drinking if
anyone has any more questions oh I
didn't cover something do message me ah
yeah all right guys lots of love to all