Step 4 is the first action step. ‘Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of Ourselves’. In this video I talk about my fears around doing it but also the importance of this step.
hi guys today I'm doing step 4 of the 12 steps step 4 is made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves when I first read that the word that stood out to me was moral and I was like oh fuck I don't want to do this step don't want to do it because I know I have morals but I also know in my using and drinking days I think I went against a lot of my morals and I certainly didn't want to go back looking at that but we have some good news because back then that's like the first time I saw it since then I've been through the steps I listen to Joe and Charlie who do talks on the 12 steps I read a lot of literature so I know a lot more now than I did back then and one thing I realized moral it doesn't say immoral if it said immoral I'd have reason to panic but it doesn't it says immoral and I'm going to just read you something from page 64 Oh a big book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says step for right therefore we started upon a personal inventory this was step 4 a business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact facing process it is an effort to discover the truth about the stock in trade right so if we take those words before that I've just said fact finding fact facing truth and Stocking trade and we put it into the words of step 4 made a fat finding and fact facing truthful inventory of the stock in trade so fact finding is searching fact facing is fearless moral is truth and the stock in trade with us it says one object is to disclose damage none unsalable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret if the owner of the business is to be successful he cannot fool himself about his values that's why it's so important we've got to be honest here we can't be kidding ourselves we have to really face the facts because if we don't and we're not honest eventually we'll drink or use again and eventually we'll die it is that simple so we go on we did exactly the same thing with our lives we took stock honestly first we searched out the floors and our makeup which caused our failure basically that's what we're gonna do in step 4 we're gonna all our lives I never realized my life I never realized I built up so many resentments so many fears I've harmed people but I always blamed other people step 4 is about all of a sudden I'm not looking at other people it's me what did I do what's my part in it yes someone might have done something really really bad it was 99% their fault but I might have 1% little bit in it and that that 1% is what I have to focus on I got forget there 99% and I look at what I did and before I go on quickly people say when do I do set for obviously you dwell after you've done step 3 but some people say do I wait do I wait six months 208 yeah and you hear all different things again I'm gonna refer to the big bird on page 63 on the bottom of page 63 so we've just done step 3 we've just done step 3 prayer the last paragraph says next we launched out on a course of vigorous action the first step of which is personal housecleaning which many of us have never attempted though our decision was a vital and crucial step now that decision is step three a decision to turn our will in our lives so though that though our decision was a vital and crucial step it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by strenuous effect effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves that have been blocking us at once you don't wait around you've done your step one two three you go straight into step 4 step 4 a lot of people especially me I had a lot of fear about it you hear people in the room who think it's a big one and you can get really feared up about doing it what you've got to remember if you have just done your step three and you have done it properly you've handed your will you've handed your lives over to your higher power and that should take away some of the fear and make your step four easier if you're still like I can't do it I can't do it go back and look did you take step three properly if you didn't why maybe you need to go back and check if you did you'll step two properly because if you have followed one two three properly and you've got it step four will come more naturally to you and will be easier for you to do of course it's not gonna be great nice lovely step we are looking at where our part what we did wrong and we don't want to look at ourselves we've spent all our years blaming others and everyone for everything that they've done to us and causing us to drink and now we're gonna be rid of that and that's scary in itself because if we can't blame others for our drinking all of a sudden we're just left with us scary but this is absolutely vital that you do this if you do not want to drink again and you do not want to use again you need to take this step by doing set 4 and looking at all right basically you're going to be looking you're going to have your resentment list what's a resentment cent cent sentiment like century I think is Latin meaning feel to feel and if you put re on the beginning we Centauri we it's we need to do again so to feel again and what that is it just say years and years ago someone did something and they hurt you or and you felt it and it was horrible that's not resentment but when you go away the next day and you replay it in your head and you feel that hurt again you're building that wasn't them and a week down the line you're thinking about it and what you'll find cause our minds to stall things a week down the line when you rethink here it's not actually quite truthful what you'll do is what the other person done you make that bit bit bigger a bit worse and your part will be less and less until in the end you have no part you were completely completely the victim and that person did the worst worst thing in the world to you and that is what a resentment is we build a builder builder and so it says here resentment is the number one offender it destroys more alcoholics or addicts than anything else from it stem all forms a spiritual disease yeah we talk about spiritual malady the soul sickness we've got a sick soul it says when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically now this is really important because we could put down the drink we could put down the drug but we've still got that soul sickness so we just feel like oh that horrid feeling inside and then this is what step four is gonna do we're gonna saw out that's virtual malady we're gonna start looking at that and because I didn't get clean and sober just to be clean and sober I want you to be free and happy and just it wasn't just to give up the drugs there's no point if you've given up all the drugs like it says again in here our liquor or drugs was but a symptom so we had to get down to causes and conditions we drank because of the way we feel so if we put that down and we're still feeling like well what's the point we're eventually we're gonna drink or use again so yes I've completely lost my powers right okay so it says in dealing with resentments we set them on paper it's really important we do a written inventory a few times in the first we turn back to the list it says somewhere else again I think like again we turn back to the list so you do need to do a list and that's exactly what I was gonna say as well like I am says in here right so you've got who are you resentful at write down the list we're not going across lists list every person go all the way back or the start now and work way back all the way to your childhood or start in your childhood it doesn't matter but you've just got to look at everything leave no stone unturned and get everything down and what I found was house resentful at everyone at the world which I didn't know until it was actually on paper I hope Wow I'm a very resentful person um so yeah it's oh you're gonna do a resentment inventory you're going to do a fears inventory and you're going to do a sex conduct and harms inventory like I just said you you do things list why is not cross but other than that I'm not going to go into how you do it so much because like I said you're going to go through that with your sponsor one thing I will say is humans that's us were born with basic instincts we have our social instinct and that's so important without that we wouldn't have society it's how we interact with people we have our security instinct again so important without the security instinct how would we survive it's all about food where we live to feel secure and then we have the sex instinct how would we repopulate the earth to have our little babies so they are very important instincts but what you will find when you're going through this is a lot of these things stem from when we are using those instincts well our instincts have run riot for example security you might just be I want money on this honest trainers all the best players and you kind of forget about your family forget about your loved ones you start wanting your money it could be your sex instinct just run riot when you just off doing everything um it could be a social instinct you just want to be the biggest and the best and you will trample on anyone around you to get what to where you want to be and that is when harms are caused not just to others but to ourselves as well so these instincts are there for a reason but it's when we start abusing them basically and using them in a way that we're not supposed to if that makes sense right so okay where am i I've completely lost for all like so yeah we're doing a resentment one fears again I didn't know just how fearful I was of everything absolutely everything and so I listed all my fears and people places things spiders it could be I was scared of getting clean but I was scared of using what you'll find with fear is fears tend to be one of three things either you're scared of using something you've already got you're scared of not getting something you want or you're scared of something you've done to someone and are you gonna be found out what's gonna happen what they're gonna do and you'll find most of your fears will fall into one of those three things um so yeah you do your fears list and what you'll find you write all your things down and you'll do the same with your resentments and then you get to light the final and all of a sudden because you've written down who you are is then why you resent them what they did and then all of sudden you've got to look at what I did and that's really hard but it is so important to do this and it's so important to do it well and the reason you have to do it so well is one if you leave something out and it starts going around and around it can cause you to use again secondly once you've done this you'll get such a big insight into who you are as a person you can clear see all your flaws and once you know your flaws you can then do something about it because a lot of mine I didn't even know were there they were just there and I was completely oblivious because I was so busy resent in people and being fearful and causing harms to others I never once stopped and looked at myself and realized my part and once you can do that you can then do something about it you can it account or walk what's the right thing to do and this is important because as you go through the steps later on if some of those old behaviors start popping up you're gonna be much more likely to spot them early on and then do something about it before you get to the point where you're gonna drink or use so yes it says on page 66 of the big Burke we began to see that the world and its people really dominated us in that state the wrongdoing of others fancied or real had power to actually kill how could we escape and that was step or was a big life I was completely dominated by all my fears and all my resentments and it's until you get it on by pen to paper and you write it went down and you look at your pages and pages that you like oh because I like I just said I really didn't realize until I sat down and did it my phone's buzzing um yeah again page 67 referring to our list again that's why it's important you have a written list you cannot do it all up here putting out of our minds the wrong others have done we resolutely looked for our own mistakes where we've been selfish dishonest self-seeking and and when we saw our faults we listed them and that is what we do we're gonna jump right cross to page 68 I'm just gonna read little bits to you now right we reviewed our fears thoroughly we put them on paper again it's saying how important I'm saying that because some people I've heard don't always do on paper they think they can do up there and that's not that's not the AAA way anyway right page 69 we reviewed our own conduct over the years past where had we been selfish dishonest or inconsiderate whom have we heard did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy suspicion or bitterness where were we at fault what should we have done instead we got this all down on paper and we looks at it like I'll go to the sex conduct sex like I said sex instinct is normal supposed to be their people but is when our self will comes into it it might not even be like a way that you realized like if just say some way I can say for me that if I was had a roundoff like I'm just not home sex then I won't have sex for days see I'm causing harms I'm using something that's a natural natural basic instinct and I'm using it against someone by withholding other ways are making people do that what they don't want to do it doesn't actually have to just bring just sex it could be like flirting with someone when you don't like them it could be telling someone you love them when you don't it could be like like it says rousing jealousy just to make someone jealous these are these are all like this is our sexual conduct and all these things need to be written down now when you have written everything down it's not like oh you stole off this person you've stole it that person you stole it you're not looking at all those individual things that's not its you steal so then you can look at why do you do that and you can get to the bottom of that it's not all these obviously to the individual people it's important but that will come up later on when it comes to the immense process right now we're looking your defects of character and all these things that are holding you back holding you back from your recovery did I cover everything I'll see step four is such a big step not like don't do it because it's so important like I said it's the first action step and it's so important you do it and it's not actually as scary as people like the fit my fear of doing it was worse than once it was done it was like I felt amazing because I didn't realize for so long I had just completely like I think I was so ashamed of who I was like I said at the beginning the morale had gone against my morals and I couldn't bear to look at that but once I did then you can do something about it and it's the difference between staying clean and being happy or being clean and being miserable or using drinking if anyone has any more questions oh I didn't cover something do message me ah yeah all right guys lots of love to all
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