hi guys today I'm going to do step 8 of
the 12 steps I work from the book of
Alcoholics Anonymous when I was part of
a 12-step fellowship I wasn't actually
part of a a I was part of CA which is
cocaine anonymous but they work from the
big book of Alcoholics Anonymous there
was no particular reason really that I
was part of CA rather than a a I just
went along to those meetings I connected
with people
I enjoyed the meetings and I felt
comfortable there I've got friends that
go to na I've got friends that go to AAA
so it doesn't matter what Fellowship
you're part of but for the sake of these
videos I'm working from the big book of
Alcoholics Anonymous I am sorry I
haven't done a video and the steps pages
I haven't done it I think since this
summer I kind of got all wrapped up and
doing BPD videos I must point out that
the 12 steps can be used for people with
BPD I have a feeling actually that there
is a book I saw on Amazon that combines
the 12 steps with DBT but don't quote me
on that right I'm pretty sure I saw that
not long ago because DBT can be used for
people in addiction as well so you want
to mix things up right so let's get on
set eight is we made a list of all
persons harmed and became willing to
make amends to them all and basically
step one two three we were looking out
for the higher power looking outwards
step four to seven we looked in words we
look to ourselves
look took personal inventory from step
eight
onwards we're gonna be looking out again
but not making things right with
ourselves making rock things right with
others working with others making amends
step eight is about forgiveness
when I wrote my list because like I said
you need to write your list I went back
through my personal inventory that I've
taken in step four and looked all the
damage I've done all the people I had
harmed and that's how I started making
my list and I went back and I thought it
wasn't just people it could be
institutions could be the police the
government whatever it could be
business's workshop if you stole from a
shop or obviously it could be people so
it sounds simple enough we write a list
but if you like me I was doing my step
eight and I wasn't even focusing on
stuff hey I was focusing on step nine
and thinking as I was writing names oh
my god I've got to make amends to these
people because we know in step nine
we're going to actually make the amends
don't do what I did
don't start focusing on step nine so
many people do it and what you'll find
is you're not entirely honest because
you're so busy worrying about the
meeting of this person and saying sorry
and what's going to happen and will they
forgive you and uh and all the reasons
you shouldn't you probably won't be
honest and right every one that you
should on your list right now you are
not on step 9 you were on step eight so
just focus on step eight and that is
writing your list
becoming willing to make amends to them
all it doesn't say you are willing now
you have to be willing right now you're
becoming willing it suggests a process
it's not going to happen straight away
so
why would we have to become willing I
know for me that a lot of the people
that I had caused harm to they've caused
me harm as well and so I'm kind of
writing down their name and then
thinking why should I have to say sorry
to you you did this to me or I was
thinking it's not my fault it was your
fault to start with and that's why I
behaved the way I did and it's just
justifying it and passing blame that's
not what this stuff is about this steps
about forgiveness now yes there might
have been someone that harmed me and
then I calmed them and then they harmed
me and i harmed them that might be the
case but this cycle has to be broken and
the only way it can be broken is if one
of us forgives and so that I'm choosing
that person is gonna mean me I am going
to forgive I'm not going to look at what
they did I just have to look at what I
did what damage I caused how do you do
this like I said it's a process it
doesn't happen overnight so I like to
say pretty on it
but I know there's a lot of people that
struggle with that now if you go back to
my beginning steps of not my steps the
first steps we looked at having a higher
power and trying to become spiritual and
some people call that higher power God
some people don't it does it doesn't
matter but what I have learned is that
by just asking for help it doesn't you
don't have to call it praying if you
don't want to you can if you want to but
it is just on a daily basis like asking
saying just help give me some guidance
let me forgive this person and like I'm
not I've said before I'm not a religious
person but I do believe there's a power
out there
I don't know what it is it's some power
of universal do and and so like you can
talk you don't have to sit down you
don't have to get on your hands and
knees just talk and ask for guidance ask
to help write for help learning to
forgive and I think the more you do this
especially when resentments are
concerned if you really resent someone
and you start thinking nicely about them
in time that resentment just goes I
don't know why but has worked every time
for me I read about it and so I thought
I can't do that I do someone I didn't
like
and rather than fake thing I have I
don't like them I would start awesome I
want them to have a wonderful life
I hope they're happy and to start with I
didn't like doing that but in time
resentment just went and then I just
didn't feel badly about that person it's
not I thought fondly of them like we're
gonna be buddies now
but that resentment was gone and I think
it's the same thing here we just kind of
have to ask for guidance and just do it
regularly like I said it's a process
it's not gonna happen overnight
there was a lot of people in my step a
that I'd write down and like I just said
I I didn't want to write them down
because I thought will they harm me but
I thinking back I think again that was
due to me projecting and thinking I've
got to go and say sorry to this also but
I know that's bad you're gonna do stuff
hate you've got to do it properly you've
got not just say yeah harm done harm to
look at what you did think about it any
memories your feelings about it how you
feel about it now and but don't start
thinking oh but will they forgive me
because again that is jumping ahead
you're going to be thinking about step 9
and that is gonna hold you back you're
not on the step 9
just on a survey just got right lift
like I said in step a it says twice the
word all this has made a list of all
persons harmed and became willing to
make amends to them oh so there's that's
basically saying if you're missing
people out and you're not writing them
all down and became willing to make
amends to them all you haven't completed
step eight but it doesn't mean you're
stuck on step eight until that happens
you can move forward but still be
working on step eight becoming willing
at a later date so you could be making
your amends at some point and then come
back and still be working on it
so don't think you just stuck but just
be aware you don't have you listen
anyone out we want to do it properly it
is so freeing when it's done when I did
I hated doing it
it covers it for uploads of feelings of
resentment and anger her shame you'll
all those negative feelings came back
came flooding back but um it's necessary
this stuff is necessary this is the
beginning of an amazing journey for us
well we can actually start putting
things into place start making our men
start like putting things into action
working with others and changing our
lives around
so rather than to think at all I will do
step 9 next don't think that just think
this is the beginning of my journey this
is going to be an amazing amazing
journey and just focus on what you got
to do today and that's it alright guys
see you later bye