“Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”.  I discuss my experience around this step.

hi guys today I'm doing a step video I
apologize it's been a long time since
I've done one and I've only got four
more to do to complete the steps and
we've done all the videos and in case
you can hear jingling do these little
late again does not want me to do a
video today do you right let's go down
like a monkey whoop of Alcoholics
Anonymous confronted me
snip nine made direct amends to such
people wherever possible except when to
do so would injure them or as step nine
for me was the scariest step it was one
that I did not want to do because who
wants to sit down with someone they've
wronged they've caused harm to it's not
necessarily the saying sake bit it's
just how interface someone that we've
harmed and I did not want to do this
step if you were sat at home and you're
only on step one two three four or
whatever I wouldn't be thinking this far
ahead step nine is at step nine for a
reason you would have done step one two
three four five six seven eight
by the time you get to nine you will be
ready you might still be scared you
might still be full of fair weight you
will be ready um if you're only at step
one or two and you're looking at nine oh
you all know when they're ready yet so
why don't why are you even here don't be
watching this video you are not ready
what we've got to remember the steps are
all in an order for a reason and we
don't go on to another step until we've
completed the previous ones and we are
ready to do that step like I said from
the beginning my lips ahead of course I
I don't want to step nine but hopefully
if you're working through the steps you
have a sponsor for a mentor basically
someone who's been through the steps
they have been there before and they're
there to guide you
no they are not there to go and make
amends with you and hold your hand while
you do so unfortunately but you'll be
able to talk to them once you're at step
9 you've done your step eight step a I
explained in the previous video you make
a list of people that we've become
willing to make amends to once we have
completed that step hopefully we will
read that through with our sponsor with
our mentor and we will then put them
into lists the first list might be
people that we are able to make amends
to immediately we do not need to wait
around we can get on and start making
these amends now there might be another
list of people that we will make amends
to but now is not the right time and
there might be a list people we cannot
make amends to in this case it could be
if someone has died for example and you
will discuss all this with your sponsor
good judgment is key because it says I
read it here is may direct amends to
such people wherever possible except
when to do so would injure them or
others so it's not just them for example
just say you're a guy I'm all ago and
you really really hurt an ex-partner
then just seeing you could cause them a
lot of pain they might be frightened to
see you and in that case you're hurting
them but there are cases when it's not
just hurting them but it's hurting other
people for example you might have done
something illegal and you want to own up
and say look this is why did but by
doing so you risk ending up in jail now
if you have a family and you're the main
breadwinner and you're the one bringing
in the money to support your family by
you admitting your wrongs going to jail
you're then harming your family because
they have no one to support them so you
get good judgement is key you need to
look at hang on who will get hurt
when I make this immense good timing is
also key you need to think your immense
through and plan them do not just turn
up on someone's doorstep
hey just came to say sorry because
chances are it will be a real shock for
them to see you
and that's not fair to do that the whole
point of the inmense is kind of cleaning
up our side of the street saying sorry
for what we've done sometimes there
might be someone on our list that we
have harmed okay just say we cheated on
someone broke their heart but we cheated
on them because they teach it first
okay we might have something us saying
oh hell they did that they cheated first
we do not want to go to our men's and
say I'm really sorry I cheated on you
but I cheated because you cheated
because that is not the amends process
we are not looking at what they did we
are looking at what we did now chances
are we could go and make that meant and
say I'm really sorry the way the
relationship ended I am sorry the way I
hurt you I'm sorry the way I cheated on
you and the other person may turn around
and say thank you I am also really sorry
for what I did and that's amazing that's
when we can rebuild bridges and let go
of all old resentments and it's
wonderful but there are times when some
people aren't ready to forgive us and
that's okay we can't make people forgive
us or make them grateful that we've
apologized because we have hurt them and
they have a right to still be angry if
they choose to be so and so sometimes
the amends might not go with the way we
want it to but it's not about the way we
what we want all we're doing is
apologizing for what we have done and we
are doing that to the best of our
ability but we cannot control the
outcome like I said in most cases the
outcome is amazing and we come away and
I know for me like you're buzzing like
wow and it does go well but in some
cases just doesn't and it's accepting
that um you're just chewing on my finger
like I said before we are often very
scared to doing a step knowing for me it
was like seeing people from my past that
it was just easier to try and forget but
you know what we don't we hold down to
that my finger blowing raspberries on my
finger wow it's a really freeing step
being able to make right all our laws
most of the time making them right like
I said we can't always control the
outcome well we can never control the
outcome and that's ok as long as we know
we have tried our best
in cases where say someone has died it
is just being willing to have made that
amends maybe writing a letter now
everyone does then different like lots
of sponsors have different ways and
speak to your sponsor because you want
to be working with someone while you do
this you certainly do not want to just
go through the steps I think I'm going
to go up step 9 on my own and go out and
start apologizing to faithful because
like I said sometimes it doesn't go the
way that we hope it does and in these
instances it's some time we phone and
get on that phone we phone our sponsor
come here and we talk to them about it
that's great thing about fellowships we
are not on our own we are all in this
and we don't have to try and struggle
through it alone and be scared on our
own because yeah we're scared but so
with the thousands of thousands and
thousands of people before us
um step 9 they say have you been sick on
your set yeah who's that sorry guys
they say faith without works is dead and
that's so true because at step 9 this is
when we're putting in the work we're
actually gonna go out there and start
doing stuff oh wait um but I do these
step videos for our colleagues Alex but
anyone that knows lice knows my channel
knows I suffered a lot with my mental
health mainly borderline personality
disorder and and making amends to people
I think is great for people with Google
and personality disorder as well it's a
step from our road to recovery and and
it's freeing just like for the addict
and the outcome liquid it's freeing and
it certainly helped me on my road to
recovery not just from drug addiction
but also with the borderline personality
disorder and just owning up and saying
that this is what I've done and I'm
sorry for it and I know my amends to my
mom is kind of like a work in progress
really because biceps already so many
times and they're not use again I've
realized they're not say sorry one
becomes so sorry I'm so sorry but always
relapse and so for me my apology and my
sorry is everyday showing her though I'm
not using drugs I'm a different person
today and just showing her that I have
and I think that is the best men's for
her just to see that sometimes I haven't
mentioned a lot of the time actually a
lot of our amends is because we might
stolen money from someone we ripped
someone off or we borrowed money off a
friend and we didn't pay it back and
part of the amends is making right that
not just saying sorry because just
saying sorry isn't good enough
we need to pay them back now often when
were in recovery we don't have money to
start with we're not working we're still
working the steps you haven't got a job
sometimes we do but we might not be any
much money that's okay we kind of work
out well hang on how can I pay this
person back and it might be just five
pounds a week or five pounds a month but
we say this is what we're gonna do we're
gonna pay it back for however long it
takes to pay it back and we do it we
don't just say we're gonna do it when we
actually do it and we pay back
everything that we took that wasn't
Alice and I think I've kind of covered
everything like I said it is a real
freeing step and for me it was after the
amends process that I started seeing
real big changes I felt different in
myself and it is honestly it's so
amazing but you just have to kinda feel
the fear and do it anyway have no
expectations don't expect people to
react a certain way because often some
people who you might think will go mad
and never forgive you and that's the
most shocking amends when there are
actually so forgiving for what we have
done to them and other times people that
we just expect rely oh don't worry
they're the ones that shocked us and
moist and they can't find it enough
themselves to forgive us but like I said
all we can do is try try our best make
her amends and it's ongoing
it's ongoing it doesn't mean we can just
make all our amends in this face of a
week it is literally it can take years
and you Angie and that's okay as long as
we're willing don't get me wrong I can
still do things nowadays and I might
hurt someone that I make those amends as
soon as soon as I say sorry as soon as
I've done something wrong so that that
my I won't have another step late list
that is building building building
because I kind of deal with my harms
then and there what are you doing I'm
gonna leave this video guys but
hopefully I'll get around to step 10 a
lot quicker than I got round to step
nine and I've got six all over my hand
yeah lovely see you later guys bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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