i'ma lovelies happy Friday today I'm
doing a video request from an anonymous
young lady who actually asked me to do
this video ages ago and I misplaced the
request so I apologize and hi and she
asked me to talk about being played and
betrayal
now betrayal comes in many different
forms sometimes when we kind of think of
betrayal we think of someone having an
affair but actually we can be betrayed
by absolutely anyone and that's when
someone breaks our trust so whether it's
a friend who just stops talking to us
maybe blocks us on social media for no
reason or a work colleague gossiping
about us and telling lies that was fun
with all your friends it could be a
family member just cutting us out their
lives and betrayal is really really
painful and especially for those of us
who soft with our mental health anyway
because Trust is a big thing and so when
we have here and it's broken it can
leave us absolutely devastated now when
we get betrayed there's kind of two
things we can do we can either stay with
the person and try to rebuild that
relationship but that very much
depends on if they have apologized and
said they've made a mistake or we can
end the friendship in the relationship
etc either way it's really hard and
either way it's a process it will not
just happen overnight it takes a lot of
time now one of the first things I would
say is all that hurt you might be hurt
you might be absolutely furious you
might be completely humiliated it's
important that we process those feelings
we cannot just cut them off and block
them and suppress them and think they
will go
because they will come back to haunt us
they will come out in other unhealthy
ways and so it's so important that we do
process and allow ourselves to actually
feel the feelings and know that our
feelings are valid and it's okay to feel
like this I know it's horrible
but the feeling won't last if we
suppress it actually we're holding on to
it so by allowing ourselves to feel it
we're then able to let it go one way
that we can do this we can maybe keep a
journal and start writing how we feel
down another way is to talk to someone
now it could be a therapist it could be
a family member or trusted friend but
talk to someone about how you feel
because you do not have to suffer in
silence with this huge thing that makes
you feel terrible you can actually speak
to someone about it and honestly talking
therapy helps so much sometimes like if
I like not necessarily do with the trail
but anytime I'm kind of just feeling
annoyed something and I feel my friend
and I like Aaron have a big vent and it
lets it Howard just doing that can
really really help so definitely don't
just keep it in I'd also say be kind to
yourself you've been her you're allowed
to grieve it doesn't happen overnight
it's very easy when we're caught up with
these intense negative emotions to
completely start neglecting ourselves
and not eating properly maybe drinking
more than we should but all these
negative behaviors will actually only
intensify the negative feelings so it's
really important at times like this that
we do look after ourselves make sure we
eat regularly make
sure we're getting sleep and generally
just be kind to ourselves taking time
for ourselves is important as well like
in the immediate aftermath of if we've
been betrayed by someone to cut off
contact from whoever it is I mean if
they've cut off contact from us for
example then that choice is taking out
our hands but if they haven't and they
want to talk it's important that you say
actually I need some time I need some
space because you do need to process
what has happened one thing I would say
don't do is don't think you'll just take
revenge because it never ends well it
will only make you feel worse I believe
in karma Karma's a bitch
and I do believe what goes around comes
around and we don't actually have to do
anything for that to happen we don't
actually have to take revenge and in
time like immediately after it's
happened you're gonna be feeling really
intense you're gonna be feeling so upset
and just strong and acceptance and
forgiveness is the last thing you're
gonna want to do but as time goes on
it's really important that we we do
accept what's happened we like I said
I've said so many times acceptance
doesn't mean we agree with that but we
need to say okay this happen and I have
to move on from this because if I don't
it will keep me stuck forgiveness is
another one forgiveness this way you can
forgive someone it doesn't mean you
agree with what they did but it can give
us a sense of peace inside and just
saying out loud to ourselves like that
you know what I forgive them and you can
do it I know you don't probably think
you can but you hear about mothers
who've had a child that's been murdered
and
they go on and say I forgive the killer
and to be fair on how to do that but it
is something that we can do again it's
not going to happen straight away you
know immediately after it's happened
we're going to be so caught up in
emotion the last thing we're gonna want
to do is forgive but forgiveness can
help us move on we can begin to realize
actually that people are human people
make mistakes
we don't know their reasons we don't
know their thinking we don't know all
their background all the time of why
they have done what they've done but
they've done it and like I said we're
human and humans do make mistakes
obviously if this person has betrayed
you and they're completely not sorry
then the best thing we need to do is
just walk away from the situation and
rather than continuing to like get
caught up in the negative thoughts and
the negative feelings because our
thoughts will keep feeding our feelings
and make them last longer and longer
instead of doing that we need to say
okay this happening we can grow from
this like um they say what doesn't kill
us makes us stronger
you know these painful life experiences
can actually benefit and help us grow as
people so try and not keep going over it
and over it in your head because when
you do that that's building a resentment
and the resentment eats us up from the
inside out and we don't want that so in
order to do that we need to just focus
on moving on being kind to ourselves
looking after ourselves accepting that
people make mistakes and understanding
that it's not your fault
because I think sometimes when someone
betrays us we can think what did we do
wrong and do you know what the answer is
most of the time you didn't nothing is
to someone else has made a big mistake
it's nothing to do with you and you
deserve to be treated nicely and you
will be treated nicely but you also need
to treat yourself nicely so I'm going to
leave that there guys
but like remember what I said it is a
process it's not just going to happen
time is a healer when it comes to this
so do give it time and I'll be back next
week I love you all over