Betrayal comes in many forms – not just an affair, but gossip, abandonment etc are also ways we can be betrayed. Being betrayed is so painful and it can leave us feeling as if our world has ended. Today I discuss how we can cope after being betrayed.
i'ma lovelies happy Friday today I'm doing a video request from an anonymous young lady who actually asked me to do this video ages ago and I misplaced the request so I apologize and hi and she asked me to talk about being played and betrayal now betrayal comes in many different forms sometimes when we kind of think of betrayal we think of someone having an affair but actually we can be betrayed by absolutely anyone and that's when someone breaks our trust so whether it's a friend who just stops talking to us maybe blocks us on social media for no reason or a work colleague gossiping about us and telling lies that was fun with all your friends it could be a family member just cutting us out their lives and betrayal is really really painful and especially for those of us who soft with our mental health anyway because Trust is a big thing and so when we have here and it's broken it can leave us absolutely devastated now when we get betrayed there's kind of two things we can do we can either stay with the person and try to rebuild that relationship but that very much depends on if they have apologized and said they've made a mistake or we can end the friendship in the relationship etc either way it's really hard and either way it's a process it will not just happen overnight it takes a lot of time now one of the first things I would say is all that hurt you might be hurt you might be absolutely furious you might be completely humiliated it's important that we process those feelings we cannot just cut them off and block them and suppress them and think they will go because they will come back to haunt us they will come out in other unhealthy ways and so it's so important that we do process and allow ourselves to actually feel the feelings and know that our feelings are valid and it's okay to feel like this I know it's horrible but the feeling won't last if we suppress it actually we're holding on to it so by allowing ourselves to feel it we're then able to let it go one way that we can do this we can maybe keep a journal and start writing how we feel down another way is to talk to someone now it could be a therapist it could be a family member or trusted friend but talk to someone about how you feel because you do not have to suffer in silence with this huge thing that makes you feel terrible you can actually speak to someone about it and honestly talking therapy helps so much sometimes like if I like not necessarily do with the trail but anytime I'm kind of just feeling annoyed something and I feel my friend and I like Aaron have a big vent and it lets it Howard just doing that can really really help so definitely don't just keep it in I'd also say be kind to yourself you've been her you're allowed to grieve it doesn't happen overnight it's very easy when we're caught up with these intense negative emotions to completely start neglecting ourselves and not eating properly maybe drinking more than we should but all these negative behaviors will actually only intensify the negative feelings so it's really important at times like this that we do look after ourselves make sure we eat regularly make sure we're getting sleep and generally just be kind to ourselves taking time for ourselves is important as well like in the immediate aftermath of if we've been betrayed by someone to cut off contact from whoever it is I mean if they've cut off contact from us for example then that choice is taking out our hands but if they haven't and they want to talk it's important that you say actually I need some time I need some space because you do need to process what has happened one thing I would say don't do is don't think you'll just take revenge because it never ends well it will only make you feel worse I believe in karma Karma's a bitch and I do believe what goes around comes around and we don't actually have to do anything for that to happen we don't actually have to take revenge and in time like immediately after it's happened you're gonna be feeling really intense you're gonna be feeling so upset and just strong and acceptance and forgiveness is the last thing you're gonna want to do but as time goes on it's really important that we we do accept what's happened we like I said I've said so many times acceptance doesn't mean we agree with that but we need to say okay this happen and I have to move on from this because if I don't it will keep me stuck forgiveness is another one forgiveness this way you can forgive someone it doesn't mean you agree with what they did but it can give us a sense of peace inside and just saying out loud to ourselves like that you know what I forgive them and you can do it I know you don't probably think you can but you hear about mothers who've had a child that's been murdered and they go on and say I forgive the killer and to be fair on how to do that but it is something that we can do again it's not going to happen straight away you know immediately after it's happened we're going to be so caught up in emotion the last thing we're gonna want to do is forgive but forgiveness can help us move on we can begin to realize actually that people are human people make mistakes we don't know their reasons we don't know their thinking we don't know all their background all the time of why they have done what they've done but they've done it and like I said we're human and humans do make mistakes obviously if this person has betrayed you and they're completely not sorry then the best thing we need to do is just walk away from the situation and rather than continuing to like get caught up in the negative thoughts and the negative feelings because our thoughts will keep feeding our feelings and make them last longer and longer instead of doing that we need to say okay this happening we can grow from this like um they say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger you know these painful life experiences can actually benefit and help us grow as people so try and not keep going over it and over it in your head because when you do that that's building a resentment and the resentment eats us up from the inside out and we don't want that so in order to do that we need to just focus on moving on being kind to ourselves looking after ourselves accepting that people make mistakes and understanding that it's not your fault because I think sometimes when someone betrays us we can think what did we do wrong and do you know what the answer is most of the time you didn't nothing is to someone else has made a big mistake it's nothing to do with you and you deserve to be treated nicely and you will be treated nicely but you also need to treat yourself nicely so I'm going to leave that there guys but like remember what I said it is a process it's not just going to happen time is a healer when it comes to this so do give it time and I'll be back next week I love you all over
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.